22 June 2008

Not every week I get a Sunday like this. Joan's at work - rescucitating the collapsed or straightening a fractured limb, whatever it is she has to do in the ER. My job's to keep baby clean and fed and give him his nap.

Ah but what joy it is when it isn't a task but a chance to reclaim some father and son time and create a few significant moments in our own history.

Fed him with Bob the Builder playing to keep him sufficiently cooperative. Showered him to a silky smooth radiance. Then at his yawning cue, put off the lights, draw the drapes and rock him to sleep.

Heck, I thought to myself. I may as well get some deep rest myself. So as he drifted into sleep I also proceeded to defragment my thoughts and feelings, breathe deeply, letting go the many tensions and suppressed inner conflicts. Soon he was flat out on the mattress and I was in the armchair, reclaiming my own center. It was my time to be. Be myself. And be with God. Letting me be me, God be God. In stillness know that nothing else matters, nothing was important. There really is nothing else apart from.. Here in this silent meeting was all things answered.

An hour passed. Ethan stirs. I sidle alongside him, cheek to the bed. He smiles and does the same, grinning contentedly.

'You're a good boy!' I offered.
He grins even wider, almost sheepishly.
'You love daddy?' I tease.
He nods affirmingly.
Then unexpextedly he lunges forward on all fours and pecks me on the cheek. Then shyly buries his face.
'Daddy loves you too!'
This goes on for a few minutes on the mattress. The beam of noon sun escaping between drapes shone brighter.

Then we had lunch. He sat on an adult chair next to mine, watched me eat, nibbled on some bits of sweet potato and grabbing my fork now and then to feed me!

Ah. The sweetness of wasting time together. Doing nothing 'important' yet having the most important thing there is. Ethan teaches me rest. Ethan teaches me how to be a father, and how to be a child.

What am I doing now? Thumbing this log, on the floor, my back against the washing machine. While Ethan rearranges everything in the kitchen cabinet.

Life. Just doesn't get better than this.

1 comment:

Jo said...

aww... man....that post is like so sweet.. :(

can i come visit ethan?? pretty please?? :(