When will I stop?

It's funny, how when I'm busiest and accomplishing the most that I feel that I've been ineffective and need to do more. Is this some kind of death wish? Why does my mind conspire against me to burn a few more holes in my stomach and drive me to my grave prematurely?

I've read about it - it's called adrenaline addiction. The more thrills you get out of work, the more you crave it. And the more burnt out you are, the more you look for it to prevent the impending blues. Withdrawal from work is actually difficult because it requires I say NO to the seductive attraction of work and insist that I get the detoxifying rest I need.

This week has seen two busy and overbooked clinics, two lengthy student encounters over lectures and bedside teaching. Two powerful meetings with senior professors, both giving me great encouragement and insights into the world of research. I've been reading at least 4 books concurrently. One massive literature review on cancer markers left me completely spent but deeply satisfied.

Amidst all that I also met my real estate agent and placed a booking fee for a home we've been eyeing, drafted the newsletter for the Malaysian Society of Otorhinolaryngologists, AND writeup an interview for Kairos Research Centre.

Yes, I'm reeling. And it's not even over. I meet the printers this evening, and tomorrow GCF is having a dialog on "Dealing With Difficult People At Work." Hah.

I'm glad therefore for short moments and places that I can use to stop and get reoriented. Like the little corner Starbucks in KL Sentral, tucked away, with trains whizzing by. (Yes, you can see I was poring over my clinical photographs at the time...)


Or in the privacy of my own office, open the Bible and catch up on some reading.


This weekend, I must stop. Really stop, declare a moratorium on all forms of work. And 'Be still once more my soul, for the Lord your God has been good.' (Psalm 116:7).