23 October 2004

Starting over

Moving back to KL has been a difficult experience. It's ALWAYS difficult for me moving from one place to another. I remember coming home to KL in 1997 after graduating, and then to Sibu in 1999, back to KB in 2000, and now full circle back to KL last May.

Every move has been wrought with adjustment woes.

I spend the first 6 months or so hating the place, missing the familiarity of the old, irritated by everyone I come across, and wishing I was someplace else. The food was better, the people were friendlier, and life was a whole lot better 'back then' somehow. (What? The food was better in Kelantan than in KL? Are you kidding?!) OK, OK I know this is totally irrational. I can't explain it, but moving ALWAYS makes me depressed.

I've put on 6kgs since coming back - that's a sure sign of depression for me!

Maybe I have the tendency to anchor too deeply wherever I berth. And being uprooted & translocated leaves me, well, rootless and flailing, grasping for some stability and security. Basically I'm a creature of familiarity and habit. I need a place to crawl home to and take refuge. Believe that the world is essentially ok.

But it's a challenge isn't it? Following the lead of Jesus in Scripture, has always been an adventure of change. Nothing is promised - and certainly not constancy or familiarity - except His presence and guidance. All may change. Everything can go wrong. Everyone can turn against you. But the one thing that should matter most, can never change.

So while I must give myself the time to 'acclimatise' emotionally, I also have a hope. That the same God goes with me and the excitement of proving the goodness of His ways awaits every nervous step forward.

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