Writing on The Tent again after a long hiatus is like starting a conversation with a friend you haven't met in years. Not knowing where to begin. Umming and aahhing. Trying to cut beyond the small talk to the stuff of the heart. Parrying one another, playing the game of disclosure vs. evasion.
What IS the stuff of my heart? What condition am I really in? If I were to answer a 'how are you?' honestly, what would I say?
I badly need purpose.
And passion.
I thoroughly enjoy my clinics. There are few experiences gratify like seeing patients does. I love surgery. Every time I have an opportunity to explore new frontiers, try new manouvres, put my knife to a difficult situation - I have the all time adrenaline rush. And students.. ahh, students. They are the joy of my life. Nothing beats being able to impart something of worth to a young, passionate medical student. To draw out the questioning mind and to guide them in applying truth to reality, theory to practice, their hearts & minds to the service of others - what could be more rewarding?
Yet, yet... I am restless. I seek more. Or is it less? What is this all-elusive thing, this balance, this thrust that I am looking for?
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